What Is DBT? Skills for Getting Through the Hard Moments

Have you ever known what you should do when you’re overwhelmed… but in the moment, all of that knowledge seems to disappear?

Maybe you react quickly and regret it later. Maybe you shut down completely. Maybe one uncomfortable thought turns into an hour-long spiral. Or maybe you’re really good at holding everything together — until suddenly, you aren’t.

This is where some of the skills from Dialectical Behaviour Therapy (DBT) can be incredibly helpful.

DBT is one of the approaches I often draw from in my work because it offers something I really value in therapy: practical skills you can actually use outside of the therapy room.

So, what exactly is DBT?

Dialectical Behaviour Therapy — usually just called DBT — is a type of therapy originally developed by psychologist Dr. Marsha Linehan.

At its core, DBT is about learning how to navigate difficult emotions, stressful situations, relationships, and moments when your nervous system feels like it has completely taken over.

One of the ideas at the heart of DBT is that two things that seem opposite can actually be true at the same time.

You can accept yourself and want to change.

You can understand why you reacted the way you did and recognize that the reaction wasn't helpful.

You can love someone and need boundaries with them.

You can be doing your best and still need to learn new skills.

That's the dialectical part of Dialectical Behaviour Therapy.

Instead of getting stuck in either/or thinking, DBT encourages us to make room for both/and.

The four main areas of DBT

DBT teaches skills in four broad areas: mindfulness, distress tolerance, emotion regulation, and interpersonal effectiveness.

1. Mindfulness: noticing what’s happening

Mindfulness is about learning to notice what is happening inside and around you without immediately reacting to it.

That might mean noticing:

My heart is racing.

I'm having the thought that they're angry with me.

I really want to send that text right now.

I'm starting to shut down.

That little bit of space between feeling something and doing something can be incredibly powerful.

The goal isn't to never react emotionally. It's to become better at noticing what's happening so you have more choice in what happens next.

2. Distress tolerance: getting through the moment

Sometimes we can't immediately fix what's upsetting us.

The argument already happened.

The relationship ended.

We're waiting for an answer.

Someone said something hurtful.

The anxiety is already here.

Distress tolerance skills are about getting through those intense moments without making the situation harder for yourself.

This is where I might introduce skills like TIPP, grounding exercises, distraction strategies, sensory tools, breathing techniques, or other ways of helping your body come down from a heightened state.

Sometimes the first goal isn't solving the entire problem.

Sometimes it's simply:

Let's get you through the next ten minutes.

Then we can figure out what comes next.

3. Emotion regulation: understanding your emotions

Emotions aren't inherently bad — even the uncomfortable ones.

Anger can tell us something feels unfair.

Anxiety can alert us to perceived danger.

Sadness can tell us we've lost something important.

The difficulty comes when emotions become so intense that they begin making decisions for us.

DBT can help you understand what you're feeling, recognize patterns and triggers, reduce emotional vulnerability, and learn ways to respond differently when emotions become overwhelming.

The goal isn't to become less emotional.

It's to become more confident in your ability to have emotions without being completely controlled by them.

4. Interpersonal effectiveness: navigating relationships

Relationships can be complicated.

Maybe you have trouble saying no.

Maybe you avoid conflict until you eventually explode.

Maybe you over-explain yourself because you're worried someone will be upset with you.

Maybe you know you need a boundary but have no idea how to communicate it.

DBT includes concrete strategies for asking for what you need, setting boundaries, navigating conflict, maintaining relationships, and keeping your self-respect in difficult conversations.

One of the things I appreciate about these skills is that they're practical.

Instead of simply saying, "You need better boundaries," we can actually work through:

What is the boundary?

What are you going to say?

What might the other person say back?

And what will you do if they don't respect it?

What does DBT look like in therapy with me?

If we're working together, I don't expect you to walk in knowing anything about DBT.

And I'm probably not going to hand you a giant workbook and expect you to memorize acronyms.

We might start with whatever is happening in your actual life.

Maybe you tell me:

"Every time my partner doesn't text me back, I spiral."

"I know I need to set a boundary with my mom, but I feel guilty."

"When I get angry, I say things I don't mean."

"My anxiety goes from zero to one hundred."

"When I'm overwhelmed, I completely shut down."

From there, we can slow the situation down, understand what's happening underneath it, and figure out which skills might actually help.

We might practice a skill together. Write out what you want to say before a difficult conversation. Break down a recent situation. Notice what was happening in your body. Role-play a boundary. Build a plan for the next time you feel overwhelmed.

And sometimes we'll discover that a skill doesn't work particularly well for you.

That's useful information too.

Therapy isn't about forcing yourself into a strategy because a worksheet says it should work. It's about figuring out what helps you.

DBT isn't about never getting overwhelmed

Learning DBT doesn't mean you'll suddenly become calm in every stressful situation.

You might still get angry.

You might still spiral sometimes.

You might still say something you wish you'd phrased differently.

You might still have days when every coping skill you know feels incredibly annoying.

You're human.

The goal isn't perfection.

The goal is building a bigger toolbox — and getting better at recognizing which tool you need, when you need it.

Over time, something that once felt like an automatic reaction can start to become a choice.

Instead of:

Something happened → I reacted.

We start creating a little more room:

Something happened → I noticed what was happening → I chose what to do next.

Sometimes that little bit of space can make a very big difference.

You don't need to be in crisis to learn these skills

DBT skills can be useful for people experiencing intense emotions, anxiety, trauma responses, relationship difficulties, impulsivity, stress, overwhelm, or challenges with boundaries and communication.

But you don't need to be at your breaking point to benefit from them.

Sometimes you simply want to communicate better.

Understand yourself better.

Handle stress differently.

Feel more in control when emotions get big.

Or have a few more tools available when life inevitably gets messy.

And that's a perfectly good place to start.

The sky changes. So do we.

If you're interested in learning more about DBT or wondering what these skills might look like for you, you can learn more about working with me through One Sky Wellness or reach out to book a connection call.

Until next time,
Amelia