What If I Don’t Know What to Talk About in Therapy?

You book the appointment.

The day comes.

You sit down for your therapy session, and suddenly your mind goes completely blank.

What am I supposed to talk about?

Maybe nothing particularly dramatic happened this week. Maybe there are approximately 47 things bothering you and you have no idea where to start. Or maybe you know something feels off, but putting it into words feels impossible.

And then comes the thought:

Am I wasting my therapy session if I don't have anything to talk about?

Nope.

You don't need to arrive at therapy with an agenda.

Figuring out what we need to talk about can actually be part of the therapy.

“I don’t know” is a perfectly good place to start

Sometimes I might ask a client where they'd like to start that day and hear:

"I honestly don't know."

That's okay.

You aren't expected to prepare a presentation before coming to therapy.

You can show up tired. Unsure. Distracted. Happy. Frustrated. Quiet. Completely overwhelmed. Or with absolutely no idea what you want to talk about.

We can start there.

Sometimes I'll ask a few questions. Sometimes we'll look back at what we talked about in our previous session. Sometimes something that seemed small at first turns into exactly what we needed to explore.

And sometimes the fact that you don't know what to talk about tells us something too.

You don't need to save therapy for the “big stuff”

There's a funny thing that can happen before therapy.

All week, you think:

I need to talk about this in therapy.

Then your appointment arrives and suddenly you're thinking:

Actually, it's not that big of a deal.

So you don't bring it up.

But therapy doesn't have to be reserved for your biggest problems.

You can tell me about the weird interaction at work that you've replayed twelve times.

The text message you don't know how to respond to.

The thing your partner said that bothered you more than you expected.

The fact that you've been procrastinating something for three weeks.

The conversation you're dreading.

The good thing that happened that you're almost afraid to get excited about.

The fact that you've been unusually irritated lately and have no idea why.

The little things often lead us somewhere important.

“Nothing happened this week” can be useful too

Sometimes you genuinely had a pretty good week.

Amazing.

We don't need to manufacture a crisis just because you have a therapy appointment.

A calmer session can give us space to work on things that are harder to explore when we're putting out fires every week.

We might look at patterns you've been noticing.

Practice a skill.

Talk about relationships.

Explore your values or goals.

Reflect on what's been getting better.

Prepare for something coming up.

Or even ask:

What's different about this week that made it feel easier?

Understanding what's working can be just as valuable as understanding what isn't.

We can start with what you're noticing right now

If your mind is completely blank, we can make things smaller.

Instead of asking, “What do you want to talk about today?” we might start with:

How has your sleep been?

What has taken up the most space in your head lately?

When did you feel most stressed this week?

When did you feel most like yourself?

Is there anyone you've been thinking about a lot?

Is there something you're avoiding?

What are you looking forward to?

What has been draining you?

How does your body feel today?

Sometimes one question is enough to find the thread.

Then we follow it.

You don't have to know why you're feeling something

Maybe you know you've been anxious, but you don't know why.

Or you're angry and can't figure out what you're actually angry about.

Maybe you're exhausted even though things “should” be fine.

Maybe you cried over something tiny and thought:

Where did THAT come from?

You don't need to figure it out before your appointment.

That's something we can get curious about together.

We might explore what's been happening recently, notice patterns, look at what your body is telling you, or connect what's happening now to previous experiences.

There doesn't always need to be an immediate explanation.

Sometimes we sit with the question for a while.

And yes, you can bring a list

On the other end of the spectrum are the people who open their phone and say:

"Okay, I made a list."

I love that too.

Maybe you've been adding things to your Notes app throughout the week. Maybe you wrote something down immediately after an argument because you knew you'd forget it by your appointment.

Bring it.

You can also journal between sessions, screenshot something that resonated with you, save a social media post that made you think, or write down a question you want to explore.

There isn't a right way to prepare for therapy.

Some people arrive with three pages of notes.

Some arrive with:

"So... I have no idea what we're talking about today."

Both are welcome.

Silence isn't a failure either

Therapy doesn't have to be filled with constant talking.

Sometimes you need a moment to think.

Sometimes something brings up emotion and there aren't words for it yet.

Sometimes your brain needs a minute.

I'm not sitting across from you thinking, Well, this is awkward.

Silence can be part of the work too.

We can slow down.

We can notice what's happening.

We can sit with something before trying to explain it.

There is no prize for fitting the most words into 50 minutes.

Sometimes I'll help guide the session

Therapy is collaborative, which means you don't have to carry the entire responsibility for figuring out what we do each time.

If you're unsure where to start, I can help.

I might remind you of something we talked about previously.

Ask whether something we were working on came up during the week.

Check in on a goal.

Suggest a skill we could practice.

Notice a pattern I've been hearing.

Or simply ask some questions until we find something that feels worth spending time on.

You don't have to perform therapy correctly.

We're figuring it out together.

You are allowed to just show up

Some therapy sessions will feel profound.

You'll make a connection you've never made before, finally say something out loud, or leave thinking:

Wow. We covered a lot today.

Other sessions might feel quieter.

You might talk about your week. Practice a coping strategy. Untangle one frustrating conversation. Laugh about something completely unrelated. Or realize halfway through the session what was actually bothering you.

That's therapy too.

You don't need to arrive with a crisis.

You don't need to arrive with a perfectly organized list.

You don't even need to know where to begin.

Sometimes all you need to do is show up.

We can figure out where to start from there.

The sky changes. So do we.

If you've been thinking about therapy but aren't quite sure what you'd even talk about, that's okay. You don't need to have it figured out before you reach out. You can learn more about working with me through One Sky Wellness or book a connection call to start the conversation.

Until next time,
Amelia